whiteboywaves:

are you there god? it’s a me mario

i just burned 1200 calories (i forgot the pizza in the oven)

i love when rappers/singers go up to accept their awards and the first person they thank is god. like hmmm you wasn’t thanking god when you was singing about riding dick and poppin’ bottles

ingroan:

I need to get a real job so I can stop crying over expensive lingerie and start crying in expensive lingerie

rneerkat:

time flies but penguins cant what kind of world is this